So I don't have much to write about today and I don't have much time to write it in. The only funny/interesting thing to surface today on the boss front is a new nickname my co-worker and I thought up.
I was talking about the fact that he always makes our patrons uncomfortable by attempting to get friendly with them. I have been told by more than a few patrons that they get really creeped out when he does this. This is especially a problem for the female patrons who get the sense he is trying to flirt with them. He's at least 3 times older than most of our patrons and looks 300% more like the grim reaper than anyone else you've ever met. Seriously, he looks like the very face of death, and he really creeps all of our patrons out. So I made a comment about how none of our female patrons want to talk to that toothless old bag of bones. My co-worker created the nifty acronym T-Bob, which stands for toothless bag of bones (Bonus points if you remembered that Scott Trekker's robot in M.A.S.K. was also named T-Bob).
So if you're scoring at home, the official list of nicknames for the boss man are as follows:
1) Skeletor (Our patrons are the ones who came up with this one)
2) The Hillbilly Undertaker (Compliments of his former co-workers)
3) T-Bob
Before I wrap this up and send you off, I have to tell you a little story. Before my co-worker came to work in this library, he used to see the boss man around campus. He thought the boss man was some sort of homeless tweaker who bought suits from Goodwill. Imagine my co-workers surprise when the homeless tweaker interviewed him for a job. Well, I hope you all have a fantastic weekend. I know I will because I won't be here at work.
Friday, September 7, 2007
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Even More Gems From the Boss Man
In compiling this third list of grammatical atrocities I really had to dig deep. I searched through dozens of documents and received some excellent material that a co-worker was kind enough to send my way. After this list is posted, I think we'll be completely tapped out as far as the cream of the crap is concerned. So don't look forward to any more hilariously bad grammar for a while. I should be introducing new segments in the blog as time goes on, so we'll do what we can to keep you entertained at the expense of one very annyoing, micromanaging, manipulative, petty, deceitful, diabolical boss. So enjoy today's list and look for changes in format in the days to come. As always, names have been changed to protect the innocent.
However, the professors or TA's would need to due this themselves
(You would hope that a man who is a supervisor in an academic library would know the difference between "due" and "do")
Of concerns of early closures of last two weeks and other concerns
(This sentence just lapped itself in a race to insanity)
When you speak of co$t$ to me - you are singing to the chrior
(Don't you mean preaching to the choir?)
I have been under impression that full complements of booking components had been set up our library. Therefore I will be most anxious to hear of the parts that had not been set up.
(First of all, full compliments of booking components consist of 1) a computer with internet connectivity and 2) nothing else. This was another big misunderstanding he had that he used as an opportunity to talk down to us. Secondly, it's ok to use articles. Everybody else is doing it)
If patrons hat Morrison, Moffitt (and other) can have this option – why not other branches?
(It's supposed to be "patrons at" not "patrons hat." Not the funniest typo in the world, but I told you we're scraping the bottom of the barrel here)
I thinking the the TA got confused or perhaps wanted others to post items
(Me heap big man thinking you one who confused)
TA's thinking is that in future, instead of electronic reserve we will scan and place items for them
(I'm pretty sure the ta's name is not TA)
I had thought from gist of conversation I had gleamed last week, items professors placed on blackboard themselves would not be subject to copyrights as electronic reserves.
(I'm glad someone gleamed something from that conversation. I thought it was rather dull)
I need to know ASAP when issues like this, messages, and other from customers has been submitted by them via [the] staff for my attention.
(I'll get right on it as soon as I know what you're talking about)
There maybe times when we may wish to revise or other to the text that was sent out on the previous mailing.
(Is "other" a verb now? I must have missed that memo. Could someone please other it to me?)
Last fall electronic articles and hard copies were placed on reserve for EPD 700. The instruction was Barry Zuckerkorn.
(Ah, the old instuctor/instruction mix-up. Common mistake. Common to idiots, that is)
Today I will be flexing with processing shifting of books, requests and other. Therefore I will need to be fluid in my schedule as to when I can manage breaks and lunch and other.
(Maybe if you didn't spend all your time flexing you'd have time for breaks and lunch and other)
Duplicate journals (and other related) along with items damaged items has outlined above can proceed as they would with other collections they process
(Did I ever tell you that he gets angry if we don't follow his instructions to the letter? Sometimes we genuinely have no idea what he wants done. Read his instructions again and see if you can decipher it. That'll give you a better understanding of what it's like to work for the man)
Microfilm is unidentified from lack of labels/written description only or have same footage of the microfilm been viewed?
(How would you answer the question above? If you said, "With a scream followed by a mighty rush of wind as I flee the scene at supersonic speed" you are correct)
If physical condition of microfilm has microfilm being so fragile that it could be damaged during review – than discard.
(I've thought long and hard about this, and there isn't a thing I could say to make this sentence look more dumb than it already does)
What described above in part and parcel to processing collections.
(I could come up with about 50 different examples of how he misuses the term "part and parcel," but I think this one will suffice. I think he thinks "part and parcel" is the way intelligent people say "part")
See the Student Staff Postion Guidelines for detaled Dress Code
(Doesn't detaled mean "a person or thing that has had its story removed?")
It is evident that part and parcel to this problem is information conveyed by some staff to students that varies from the intent of the Library Supervisor.
(He included this sentence in a message to the student workers. Basically, he wants to be the only one who can tell the students what our policies and procedures are. This is problematic because 1) He doesn't really know what he's talking about half the time and 2) He doesn't ever train the student workers, so they don't ever know what to do. So this puts the rest of the staff into a position where we are constantly asked about policies and procedures by the student workers, but we aren't technically supposed to answer their questions. Nice system, eh? Also, this is yet another fine example of the "part and parcel" problem noted above)
Of lately there has been books left in many varied locations in our library
(So many mistakes in such a small sentence. How does he do it?)
John Falstaff’s absence for appointment will not effect your leave time
(I had a dental appointment and my co-worker was worried that he might not get to leave on time. Of course the boss man could've used some articles, maybe a pronoun or two, and an understanding of the difference between "affect" and "effect")
So that's all we have for today. Be sure to tune in next time when I introduce a new segment, "Lies Bosses Tell." Also, if you have any suggestions, comments, criticisms, or submissions for this li'l blog, send them along. I'll be happy to see them.
However, the professors or TA's would need to due this themselves
(You would hope that a man who is a supervisor in an academic library would know the difference between "due" and "do")
Of concerns of early closures of last two weeks and other concerns
(This sentence just lapped itself in a race to insanity)
When you speak of co$t$ to me - you are singing to the chrior
(Don't you mean preaching to the choir?)
I have been under impression that full complements of booking components had been set up our library. Therefore I will be most anxious to hear of the parts that had not been set up.
(First of all, full compliments of booking components consist of 1) a computer with internet connectivity and 2) nothing else. This was another big misunderstanding he had that he used as an opportunity to talk down to us. Secondly, it's ok to use articles. Everybody else is doing it)
If patrons hat Morrison, Moffitt (and other) can have this option – why not other branches?
(It's supposed to be "patrons at" not "patrons hat." Not the funniest typo in the world, but I told you we're scraping the bottom of the barrel here)
I thinking the the TA got confused or perhaps wanted others to post items
(Me heap big man thinking you one who confused)
TA's thinking is that in future, instead of electronic reserve we will scan and place items for them
(I'm pretty sure the ta's name is not TA)
I had thought from gist of conversation I had gleamed last week, items professors placed on blackboard themselves would not be subject to copyrights as electronic reserves.
(I'm glad someone gleamed something from that conversation. I thought it was rather dull)
I need to know ASAP when issues like this, messages, and other from customers has been submitted by them via [the] staff for my attention.
(I'll get right on it as soon as I know what you're talking about)
There maybe times when we may wish to revise or other to the text that was sent out on the previous mailing.
(Is "other" a verb now? I must have missed that memo. Could someone please other it to me?)
Last fall electronic articles and hard copies were placed on reserve for EPD 700. The instruction was Barry Zuckerkorn.
(Ah, the old instuctor/instruction mix-up. Common mistake. Common to idiots, that is)
Today I will be flexing with processing shifting of books, requests and other. Therefore I will need to be fluid in my schedule as to when I can manage breaks and lunch and other.
(Maybe if you didn't spend all your time flexing you'd have time for breaks and lunch and other)
Duplicate journals (and other related) along with items damaged items has outlined above can proceed as they would with other collections they process
(Did I ever tell you that he gets angry if we don't follow his instructions to the letter? Sometimes we genuinely have no idea what he wants done. Read his instructions again and see if you can decipher it. That'll give you a better understanding of what it's like to work for the man)
Microfilm is unidentified from lack of labels/written description only or have same footage of the microfilm been viewed?
(How would you answer the question above? If you said, "With a scream followed by a mighty rush of wind as I flee the scene at supersonic speed" you are correct)
If physical condition of microfilm has microfilm being so fragile that it could be damaged during review – than discard.
(I've thought long and hard about this, and there isn't a thing I could say to make this sentence look more dumb than it already does)
What described above in part and parcel to processing collections.
(I could come up with about 50 different examples of how he misuses the term "part and parcel," but I think this one will suffice. I think he thinks "part and parcel" is the way intelligent people say "part")
See the Student Staff Postion Guidelines for detaled Dress Code
(Doesn't detaled mean "a person or thing that has had its story removed?")
It is evident that part and parcel to this problem is information conveyed by some staff to students that varies from the intent of the Library Supervisor.
(He included this sentence in a message to the student workers. Basically, he wants to be the only one who can tell the students what our policies and procedures are. This is problematic because 1) He doesn't really know what he's talking about half the time and 2) He doesn't ever train the student workers, so they don't ever know what to do. So this puts the rest of the staff into a position where we are constantly asked about policies and procedures by the student workers, but we aren't technically supposed to answer their questions. Nice system, eh? Also, this is yet another fine example of the "part and parcel" problem noted above)
Of lately there has been books left in many varied locations in our library
(So many mistakes in such a small sentence. How does he do it?)
John Falstaff’s absence for appointment will not effect your leave time
(I had a dental appointment and my co-worker was worried that he might not get to leave on time. Of course the boss man could've used some articles, maybe a pronoun or two, and an understanding of the difference between "affect" and "effect")
So that's all we have for today. Be sure to tune in next time when I introduce a new segment, "Lies Bosses Tell." Also, if you have any suggestions, comments, criticisms, or submissions for this li'l blog, send them along. I'll be happy to see them.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
More Gems From The Boss
Below are some more gems taken from actual emails and memos written by my boss. Why do I post them here? I really really need a way to vent. I also feel the need to show others what I have to put up with so they can begin to understand what a painful experience it is for me to come in to work every day.
There is only one thing I ask from those of you who visit here: if you know who I really am, do not ever reveal it. As you can see, I get pretty indignant when talking about the boss, and I don't want to get fired until I'm sure I have another job to replace this one. So if you haven't heard it before, I'm telling you now: my anonymity is absolutely necessary in order to keep this thing alive. Feel free to link to this blog and invite your friends to do so as well. I have found that my misfortune in the boss department translates into pure hilarity for those of you who don't have to work for the guy. So if you feel like sharing, please do. That's why this thing is public.
With that bidness out of the way, I have a host of new grammatical atrocities for your reading pleasure. Check 'em out (forvigve the library pun):
When attendig the front desk, take time to tiddy the front counter as needed, shelf read the reserve stacks, and other
(I have never been asked to tiddy anything in the library, and I'm pretty sure I'd sue for sexual harrassment if anybody asked me to)
Yes, while news sources bring up issues worthy of analysis, how they context the information, verification of sources, and other go a long way to how much weight is put towards their take of events being authentic
(I checked the dictionary and found that the word "context" is indeed a noun and not a verb. I should also mention that the boss man does not fight fair when it comes to debating politics. He makes up facts, quotes news sources from countries with no indoor plumbing, and refuses to concede any point even when faced with a staggering amount of evidence that he is wrong. The above quote and the quotes below all come from an email in which he was questioning the validity of an article that appeared in the Boston Herald. Did I mention that my boss is a Rush-head type Republican? He doesn't believe anything bad that has ever been said about any republican since the dawn of time)
The last two elections showed very close elections.
(The elections were showing elections? Were there sub-elections, or are the elections starting to procreate?)
the current candidates are playing to the base of their respective parities
(I take it the current candidates are fans of the NFL's salary cap system)
That means they may context facts to best showcase those they like and context facts to show others in a disfavored way.
(Now he's trying to explain the concept of bias in news sources. I became aware of bias in news reporting when I was in 4th grade. I noticed that the Weekly Reader did not reflect the über conservative political views of my parents. This is yet another example of how he likes to speak down to those of use who work for him. It'll really drain your will to live. Anyway, in this quote we see him giving the word "context" another cameo as a verb and choosing to use the word "disfavored" instead of the correct "unfavorable")
News sources that are unapologetically liberal or conservative clues to you their general leanings on politics
(So you're telling me that liberal news sources are liberal wheras conservative sources are conservative? I'm glad I have someone to clues me in on things like this)
There is only one thing I ask from those of you who visit here: if you know who I really am, do not ever reveal it. As you can see, I get pretty indignant when talking about the boss, and I don't want to get fired until I'm sure I have another job to replace this one. So if you haven't heard it before, I'm telling you now: my anonymity is absolutely necessary in order to keep this thing alive. Feel free to link to this blog and invite your friends to do so as well. I have found that my misfortune in the boss department translates into pure hilarity for those of you who don't have to work for the guy. So if you feel like sharing, please do. That's why this thing is public.
With that bidness out of the way, I have a host of new grammatical atrocities for your reading pleasure. Check 'em out (forvigve the library pun):
When attendig the front desk, take time to tiddy the front counter as needed, shelf read the reserve stacks, and other
(I have never been asked to tiddy anything in the library, and I'm pretty sure I'd sue for sexual harrassment if anybody asked me to)
Yes, while news sources bring up issues worthy of analysis, how they context the information, verification of sources, and other go a long way to how much weight is put towards their take of events being authentic
(I checked the dictionary and found that the word "context" is indeed a noun and not a verb. I should also mention that the boss man does not fight fair when it comes to debating politics. He makes up facts, quotes news sources from countries with no indoor plumbing, and refuses to concede any point even when faced with a staggering amount of evidence that he is wrong. The above quote and the quotes below all come from an email in which he was questioning the validity of an article that appeared in the Boston Herald. Did I mention that my boss is a Rush-head type Republican? He doesn't believe anything bad that has ever been said about any republican since the dawn of time)
The last two elections showed very close elections.
(The elections were showing elections? Were there sub-elections, or are the elections starting to procreate?)
the current candidates are playing to the base of their respective parities
(I take it the current candidates are fans of the NFL's salary cap system)
That means they may context facts to best showcase those they like and context facts to show others in a disfavored way.
(Now he's trying to explain the concept of bias in news sources. I became aware of bias in news reporting when I was in 4th grade. I noticed that the Weekly Reader did not reflect the über conservative political views of my parents. This is yet another example of how he likes to speak down to those of use who work for him. It'll really drain your will to live. Anyway, in this quote we see him giving the word "context" another cameo as a verb and choosing to use the word "disfavored" instead of the correct "unfavorable")
News sources that are unapologetically liberal or conservative clues to you their general leanings on politics
(So you're telling me that liberal news sources are liberal wheras conservative sources are conservative? I'm glad I have someone to clues me in on things like this)
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Things Stupid Bosses Say
The following things are taken from emails and memos my boss has sent. The text has not been altered in any way. I would also like to emphasize the fact that my boss (who is anywhere from 40 to 140 years old) is a native English speaker. I'm not picking on some poor ESL case here. I'm pointing out mistakes that came from a man who has been speaking (and murdering) English twice as long as I have.
I am quite confident with you keeping me inform of those submittals on timely fashion timing of scanning those items can be accomplished.
I have highlighted those hours for you information.
I know that shifting of books can be quite a diligent task.
Places on campus that serves food has restricted hours on weekends or are not open.
(Here is a classic example of his inability to conjugate verbs correctly. This isn't just the way he writes emails. It's the way he speaks as well.)
This is needed to lessen the chance of your having do a retune the shifting to make more space available when a review is made of the stacks.
(Ummmm....which tense are we speaking in here? Totally imperfect?)
That number is fall short of the number of items I had requested. I will see if they are still in the process of printing or other.
(Or other. He likes to throw that little phrase in at the end of sentences. What does he mean? I have no idea)
It is a good ideal to change your password as routine procedure.
(Yes, my life philosophy is to constantly change passwords. I've been thinking of starting a cult based on this very principle)
I will send you message tomorrow morning of time for us to meet.
(The hilarious thing about this one was that I replied to this message using the exact same grammar, and he didn't even notice that I was making fun of him)
In future please have your lists as a separate documents attachments.
(Let's just put the letter "s" after every word, just to be safe)
Appropriate time frame would be informing me in a timely fashion prior to day/time projects are due.
(This is his attempt to explain to me what an appropriate time frame is. I think I've got it now)
This includes copying me on messages, and other.
I will also be developing and monitoring implementation of a plan to address procedures relating to periodicals, book lists, that will accomplished in more advanced time frame for the balance of the summer.
(Typical gobbledygook. You can tell that he wants to sound intelligent here, but he falls way short)
Leaving fans switched on unattended for extended periods of time is a safety hazard. Motors in fans can overheat, short out, and other.
(This was from an email in which he was chastising the staff for leaving a fan on in the office. Once again, "and other" makes an appearance.
If power failure occurs, when power is restore, fans left switched on can experience a spike and pose a safety hazard.
(I'm pretty sure this is a fundamental misunderstanding of the principles of electricity)
The fan makes an audible sound unique enough to know that the item has not been switched off.
(He likes to speak down to us all the time. Of course, until he sent me this message I was unaware that the fan produced a unique audible sound)
This will alleviate your staying pass 7pm.
Perhaps this will help your on processing this new and needed procedure of recording hours you work.
However, there will be junctures where I will not be physically present at time you arrive. To remedy this, I will send electronic messages (E-Mail) to you informing you of any problems or changes in procedures.
(I knew email stood for something, I just didn't know what. But seriously, who has a boss who speaks down to them this much? Has your boss ever explained the concept of "electronic mail" to you?)
I want to take the time thank you for cooperating with new procedure.
(Another classic thing he does. There are only three articles in the English language: "a" "an" and "the." How many does he use? None)
Forgetting to punch in is not good work habits and needs to be avoided in future
Ask if when would be opportune time for you to interrupt, and/or use your computer to check items in.
Please bring other issues you may have that needs by attention before I leave today to me ASAP as I may have time to review and process before I leave today and the other days as detailed above.
(Unbelievable, isn't it? This man is the supervisor at an important academic library. How did this happen?)
Per our discussion yesterday, this is to confer that you will not be in attendance at work prior to your appointment.
Keep me updated in event the dental office proffers you an earlier appointment or feels that you will need to come in sooner than Wednesday.
You’re forgetting to attend today’s training session calls for me to investigate if other training sessions will be held in the library.
(Ah, the classic "you're" and "your" mix-up. I'm pretty sure I had this mastered before I left 4th grade)
There will be two single toping pizzas, one order of bread sticks, and one order of chicken wings – you may wish to be careful when walking, the wingless chickens may move slowly and you could easily step on them.
(Could an attempt at humor fall any flatter than this? Carrot Top is funnier than this)
I am of the knowledge of their transition
Sunday and today I entered into fierce battle with the germ dragons hiding in the microwave oven and the kitchen sink counter. Though I was badly injured, I was able to show this germ group the way out of town.
(Yet another sad, sad attempt at humor.)
I would much like to see a large quaintly of these books available for browsing before 5pm tonight.
I have been heavily the central person to pick-up books routinely and randomly throughout the word days of Monday – Friday.
I am asking you to become much more actively participating with pickup of books and other issues for the balance of the semester as to allow wider dispersion of meeting customer needs.
(It's like he hit the randomizer on a boss-talk generator)
There will be junctures to wish I will ask for changes of format of end product of some assignments.
(This was his explanation of why he cut my legs out from under me on a project. Needless to say, it didn't make me feel better)
As I was doing this, I could not place my fingers on a large plastic cake dome I had used for various food items. If you happen to see this item, let me know – probably right in front of me!
(He had this bowl that was originally the plastic covering for a cake. Over time, it became a bigger and bigger breeding ground for the aforementioned "germ dragons." For some reason he was really upset when we threw that germ-ridden piece of trash out)
Rich and his esteem crew of associates will be shampooing the carpets
To accomplish this, I needed to move some appointments from Wednesday to Thursday and Friday as well as shuffle some reproduction requests.
(Reproduction requests? Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Anyway, this is a classic example of how he tries to show me what an inconvenience I am. Every time I take time off he sends me a message about how many meetings he had to cancel, and how much personal time he missed out on. Mainly he wants me to feel bad because I have a life and he doesn't)
I am at a lost to who would had place additional items on your cart.
I truly do embrace the sprit of Interactiveness in my philosophy of work and supervising. Without faux sentiment I look forward to sharing my experience at the workshop with you.
(First of all, this is a lie. His managerial style can be described as a Mussolini-style dictatorship. Secondly, who says "without faux sentiment?" Seriously. Who talks like that?)
All of the book carts are being used and we have a wealth of books that need to pick up and checked in.
Not checking reserve items in properly is transcending to both student and other staff.
I have doubled check some reserve items that staff in day hours had seemingly checked-in and placed on shelves – that were not checked-in.
I will be reviewing varied projects on Thursday and I will be out of office Friday save for time I arrive to pickup the paychecks.
Yesterday, I sprang my foot while maneuvering in this area.
(What you don't understand is that his foot was in jail at the time)
During the course of this semester, the ebb and tide of department needs will necessitate from time to time to have routine assignments or projects assigned to you with time sensitive deadlines.
You will need to deploy the time management tips I provided to you in regards to sending items off to binding.
(First of all, the man is terrible at time management. Secondly, he always says I need to "deploy time management" like I'm sending my little time management troops into hostile territory)
There will need to be consistently as to time in day when tapes are exchanged.
I think this approach is much in line with your desired to have autonomy.
The day labeled tape in the VCR should overwhelming encompass the actual day of taping.
For those of you who may be brining some food items and have not sign the party food list, I will be collecting that list Thursday afternoon.
(The hilarious thing is that this is yet another example of how he speaks in real life. He never pronounces the "ng" in words, so he really does say "brinin" instead of "bringing")
It would be nice to have a few other items to augment the platters such as chips, dips, soft drinks, or other suggestions or time tested family concoctions that you may wish to bring on a voluntary basis.
(Ah, the word "augment." Truly one of his favorite big words. He always asks me to augment lists and reports. One of these days I want to email him a list in which I just increase the font size and spacing. That technically counts as augmentation, right?)
If not, addressing the issue will is the first step needed to prior to other corrective approaches being taken.
This will assist with lessening backlog of books to shelve.
I was remised in not brining to your attention the security tape not being changed on Friday.
I did have to pickup an additional 25 books this morning that was placed on between the top of some bound items and the bottom of the shelves above the bound item, monographs at end of bookends, and more.
(Sorry. Where were those books again?)
Succinctly I am asking that you just convey the status of the blow project.
(Honestly, this is the type of typo anyone could make, even me. That still doesn't make it less funny.)
There maybe junctures will items are turned in and patron arrives just as your logging item in to claim.
(How many mistakes can you count is this short sentence alone?)
Receiving such compliments from the MU on my procedures only pained me more to had lost an ID card and watch from our lost and found area.
Did you change the tape yesterday and active the VCR?
I do balance the needs of the in person patrons I am attending to
(After much deliberation, I decided that he was referring to patrons who come to see him in person rather than contact him via email or telephone. It still doesn't make much sense, though)
Who Was some inspirations for Indiana Jones?
This will keep me center more in the loop.
(He's not only in the loop, he's the center of the loop)
To facilitate the goal of consistently of needed information
There will be some junctures of small moments where staff needs to assist patrons
(How small is a juncture of a small moment? Are we talking nanoseconds here?)
The last two days has seen many patrons using journals
If it appears the disorder is on scale that will negate your time to complete in timely fashion you will need to tell me soon.
I will be sending you electronic message relating to work issues, ASU and other that you may need to be cognizant of in a timely fashion.
On 23 January 2006 I had placed a new book in your mail basket with post note detailing need for processing item that day and placing on hold shelf for Steele.
I had passed through lunch hour to wait for appiopintment that did not show.
(It's like he's been possessed by Tonto or something)
I would discuss that issue with but separate from Thursday meeting.
(With or seperate, which is it?)
Unattendance and repeapted tardiness are grounds for termination.
(I unattended my shift once. I showed up for my shift the first time, then I went back in time and told myself to not go. My past self and I totally played hooky that day)
You seem at a lost of where to look.
The best way to reach your designation is to find a straightforward direct route to your designation.
(A little advice for those having trouble finding their designation)
I would like to serve as segue way to introduce those faculty to these procedures
(Not sure how to spell segue? Spell it both ways!)
There a few ammoniates that pop up from time to time that I would like you to investigate and remedy.
(This one almost made me wet myself. I think he was trying to say anomalies, but he pulled out a chemistry term instead. Truly brilliant)
Well, those are all the gaffes, goofs, and blunders I have for today. And remember: if you enjoyed reading this half as much as I enjoyed writing it, I enjoyed it twice as much as you.
I am quite confident with you keeping me inform of those submittals on timely fashion timing of scanning those items can be accomplished.
I have highlighted those hours for you information.
I know that shifting of books can be quite a diligent task.
Places on campus that serves food has restricted hours on weekends or are not open.
(Here is a classic example of his inability to conjugate verbs correctly. This isn't just the way he writes emails. It's the way he speaks as well.)
This is needed to lessen the chance of your having do a retune the shifting to make more space available when a review is made of the stacks.
(Ummmm....which tense are we speaking in here? Totally imperfect?)
That number is fall short of the number of items I had requested. I will see if they are still in the process of printing or other.
(Or other. He likes to throw that little phrase in at the end of sentences. What does he mean? I have no idea)
It is a good ideal to change your password as routine procedure.
(Yes, my life philosophy is to constantly change passwords. I've been thinking of starting a cult based on this very principle)
I will send you message tomorrow morning of time for us to meet.
(The hilarious thing about this one was that I replied to this message using the exact same grammar, and he didn't even notice that I was making fun of him)
In future please have your lists as a separate documents attachments.
(Let's just put the letter "s" after every word, just to be safe)
Appropriate time frame would be informing me in a timely fashion prior to day/time projects are due.
(This is his attempt to explain to me what an appropriate time frame is. I think I've got it now)
This includes copying me on messages, and other.
I will also be developing and monitoring implementation of a plan to address procedures relating to periodicals, book lists, that will accomplished in more advanced time frame for the balance of the summer.
(Typical gobbledygook. You can tell that he wants to sound intelligent here, but he falls way short)
Leaving fans switched on unattended for extended periods of time is a safety hazard. Motors in fans can overheat, short out, and other.
(This was from an email in which he was chastising the staff for leaving a fan on in the office. Once again, "and other" makes an appearance.
If power failure occurs, when power is restore, fans left switched on can experience a spike and pose a safety hazard.
(I'm pretty sure this is a fundamental misunderstanding of the principles of electricity)
The fan makes an audible sound unique enough to know that the item has not been switched off.
(He likes to speak down to us all the time. Of course, until he sent me this message I was unaware that the fan produced a unique audible sound)
This will alleviate your staying pass 7pm.
Perhaps this will help your on processing this new and needed procedure of recording hours you work.
However, there will be junctures where I will not be physically present at time you arrive. To remedy this, I will send electronic messages (E-Mail) to you informing you of any problems or changes in procedures.
(I knew email stood for something, I just didn't know what. But seriously, who has a boss who speaks down to them this much? Has your boss ever explained the concept of "electronic mail" to you?)
I want to take the time thank you for cooperating with new procedure.
(Another classic thing he does. There are only three articles in the English language: "a" "an" and "the." How many does he use? None)
Forgetting to punch in is not good work habits and needs to be avoided in future
Ask if when would be opportune time for you to interrupt, and/or use your computer to check items in.
Please bring other issues you may have that needs by attention before I leave today to me ASAP as I may have time to review and process before I leave today and the other days as detailed above.
(Unbelievable, isn't it? This man is the supervisor at an important academic library. How did this happen?)
Per our discussion yesterday, this is to confer that you will not be in attendance at work prior to your appointment.
Keep me updated in event the dental office proffers you an earlier appointment or feels that you will need to come in sooner than Wednesday.
You’re forgetting to attend today’s training session calls for me to investigate if other training sessions will be held in the library.
(Ah, the classic "you're" and "your" mix-up. I'm pretty sure I had this mastered before I left 4th grade)
There will be two single toping pizzas, one order of bread sticks, and one order of chicken wings – you may wish to be careful when walking, the wingless chickens may move slowly and you could easily step on them.
(Could an attempt at humor fall any flatter than this? Carrot Top is funnier than this)
I am of the knowledge of their transition
Sunday and today I entered into fierce battle with the germ dragons hiding in the microwave oven and the kitchen sink counter. Though I was badly injured, I was able to show this germ group the way out of town.
(Yet another sad, sad attempt at humor.)
I would much like to see a large quaintly of these books available for browsing before 5pm tonight.
I have been heavily the central person to pick-up books routinely and randomly throughout the word days of Monday – Friday.
I am asking you to become much more actively participating with pickup of books and other issues for the balance of the semester as to allow wider dispersion of meeting customer needs.
(It's like he hit the randomizer on a boss-talk generator)
There will be junctures to wish I will ask for changes of format of end product of some assignments.
(This was his explanation of why he cut my legs out from under me on a project. Needless to say, it didn't make me feel better)
As I was doing this, I could not place my fingers on a large plastic cake dome I had used for various food items. If you happen to see this item, let me know – probably right in front of me!
(He had this bowl that was originally the plastic covering for a cake. Over time, it became a bigger and bigger breeding ground for the aforementioned "germ dragons." For some reason he was really upset when we threw that germ-ridden piece of trash out)
Rich and his esteem crew of associates will be shampooing the carpets
To accomplish this, I needed to move some appointments from Wednesday to Thursday and Friday as well as shuffle some reproduction requests.
(Reproduction requests? Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Anyway, this is a classic example of how he tries to show me what an inconvenience I am. Every time I take time off he sends me a message about how many meetings he had to cancel, and how much personal time he missed out on. Mainly he wants me to feel bad because I have a life and he doesn't)
I am at a lost to who would had place additional items on your cart.
I truly do embrace the sprit of Interactiveness in my philosophy of work and supervising. Without faux sentiment I look forward to sharing my experience at the workshop with you.
(First of all, this is a lie. His managerial style can be described as a Mussolini-style dictatorship. Secondly, who says "without faux sentiment?" Seriously. Who talks like that?)
All of the book carts are being used and we have a wealth of books that need to pick up and checked in.
Not checking reserve items in properly is transcending to both student and other staff.
I have doubled check some reserve items that staff in day hours had seemingly checked-in and placed on shelves – that were not checked-in.
I will be reviewing varied projects on Thursday and I will be out of office Friday save for time I arrive to pickup the paychecks.
Yesterday, I sprang my foot while maneuvering in this area.
(What you don't understand is that his foot was in jail at the time)
During the course of this semester, the ebb and tide of department needs will necessitate from time to time to have routine assignments or projects assigned to you with time sensitive deadlines.
You will need to deploy the time management tips I provided to you in regards to sending items off to binding.
(First of all, the man is terrible at time management. Secondly, he always says I need to "deploy time management" like I'm sending my little time management troops into hostile territory)
There will need to be consistently as to time in day when tapes are exchanged.
I think this approach is much in line with your desired to have autonomy.
The day labeled tape in the VCR should overwhelming encompass the actual day of taping.
For those of you who may be brining some food items and have not sign the party food list, I will be collecting that list Thursday afternoon.
(The hilarious thing is that this is yet another example of how he speaks in real life. He never pronounces the "ng" in words, so he really does say "brinin" instead of "bringing")
It would be nice to have a few other items to augment the platters such as chips, dips, soft drinks, or other suggestions or time tested family concoctions that you may wish to bring on a voluntary basis.
(Ah, the word "augment." Truly one of his favorite big words. He always asks me to augment lists and reports. One of these days I want to email him a list in which I just increase the font size and spacing. That technically counts as augmentation, right?)
If not, addressing the issue will is the first step needed to prior to other corrective approaches being taken.
This will assist with lessening backlog of books to shelve.
I was remised in not brining to your attention the security tape not being changed on Friday.
I did have to pickup an additional 25 books this morning that was placed on between the top of some bound items and the bottom of the shelves above the bound item, monographs at end of bookends, and more.
(Sorry. Where were those books again?)
Succinctly I am asking that you just convey the status of the blow project.
(Honestly, this is the type of typo anyone could make, even me. That still doesn't make it less funny.)
There maybe junctures will items are turned in and patron arrives just as your logging item in to claim.
(How many mistakes can you count is this short sentence alone?)
Receiving such compliments from the MU on my procedures only pained me more to had lost an ID card and watch from our lost and found area.
Did you change the tape yesterday and active the VCR?
I do balance the needs of the in person patrons I am attending to
(After much deliberation, I decided that he was referring to patrons who come to see him in person rather than contact him via email or telephone. It still doesn't make much sense, though)
Who Was some inspirations for Indiana Jones?
This will keep me center more in the loop.
(He's not only in the loop, he's the center of the loop)
To facilitate the goal of consistently of needed information
There will be some junctures of small moments where staff needs to assist patrons
(How small is a juncture of a small moment? Are we talking nanoseconds here?)
The last two days has seen many patrons using journals
If it appears the disorder is on scale that will negate your time to complete in timely fashion you will need to tell me soon.
I will be sending you electronic message relating to work issues, ASU and other that you may need to be cognizant of in a timely fashion.
On 23 January 2006 I had placed a new book in your mail basket with post note detailing need for processing item that day and placing on hold shelf for Steele.
I had passed through lunch hour to wait for appiopintment that did not show.
(It's like he's been possessed by Tonto or something)
I would discuss that issue with but separate from Thursday meeting.
(With or seperate, which is it?)
Unattendance and repeapted tardiness are grounds for termination.
(I unattended my shift once. I showed up for my shift the first time, then I went back in time and told myself to not go. My past self and I totally played hooky that day)
You seem at a lost of where to look.
The best way to reach your designation is to find a straightforward direct route to your designation.
(A little advice for those having trouble finding their designation)
I would like to serve as segue way to introduce those faculty to these procedures
(Not sure how to spell segue? Spell it both ways!)
There a few ammoniates that pop up from time to time that I would like you to investigate and remedy.
(This one almost made me wet myself. I think he was trying to say anomalies, but he pulled out a chemistry term instead. Truly brilliant)
Well, those are all the gaffes, goofs, and blunders I have for today. And remember: if you enjoyed reading this half as much as I enjoyed writing it, I enjoyed it twice as much as you.
The Maiden Post
So this is the first post in this new little blog I created. In the days to come I will be venting my frustrations, keeping you updated on the stupid things my boss says, pointing out the many contradictions in his managerial "style", and generally speaking ill of the man who has been draining my soul and driving me insane.
In creating this blog I had three hopes:
1. That this blog will help me keep my sanity until I can find another job
2. That this blog will help people understand why I constantly complain about my boss
3. That others who suffer the same frustrations I do will feel a little better now that we have a little place to vent
I'm not sure how often I'll be updating this thing, but I suppose that all depends on the ability of my boss to say stupid things, contradict his own orders, and generally display his incompotence. Feel free to comment on this blog. Your additions are much appreciated.
In creating this blog I had three hopes:
1. That this blog will help me keep my sanity until I can find another job
2. That this blog will help people understand why I constantly complain about my boss
3. That others who suffer the same frustrations I do will feel a little better now that we have a little place to vent
I'm not sure how often I'll be updating this thing, but I suppose that all depends on the ability of my boss to say stupid things, contradict his own orders, and generally display his incompotence. Feel free to comment on this blog. Your additions are much appreciated.
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